Angry for Myself

Years ago, I overheard a grownup trying to calm down a child who was holding back tears. I didn’t hear what the grownup said, but the child replied, “I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I’m feeling angry for myself!” When the adult said something soothing, the child said, “But it wasn’t fair!”

It’s been three years since my boss told me that RStudio no longer needed my services. It was my first one-to-one with him in months; I had no indication at all that anyone thought things weren’t going well, and over three hundred people were on the waiting list for instructor training. When I asked if I could try to find another position within the company I was told there wouldn’t be any point in applying. When I asked what was going to happen to the instructor training program he laughed—he actually laughed—and said, “We’re going to shut it down. We won’t say that, of course, but we’re going to shut it down.”

I don’t know what the child I overheard all those years ago was angry about, but I know exactly how they felt. I hope they never stopped being angry for themself when the world gave them good reason to.

Time to make another cup of tea. If you came in peace, be welcome.