Is There a Word for That?

I did judo for a few years at the University of Edinburgh—I never got very far, but it was a good workout. At my first competition, my opponent put a headlock on me. I should have tapped out, but I thought, “No, I can get out of this, I just need to hang on a little…”

The next thing I remember I was lying on my back looking up at the referee, a middle-aged man in a blue blazer and gray slacks with a patient look on his face. I had absolutely no idea where I was, what had just happened, or what I was supposed to be doing. The only thing I did know was that in just a few seconds I was going to feel very, very stupid. I’ve wondered ever since if there’s a word for that—for that state in which you don’t yet feel embarrassed or idiotic, but know that you’re about to.

Time to make another cup of tea. If you came in peace, be welcome.