Evening and Morning Routine
Whoever goes to bed last:
- Refill the bird feeder if necessary.
- Bring in the cushions from the bench on the back deck.
- Switch on the anti-goose laser.
- If it’s looking stormy, tie off the wind chimes.
- Check that the back door is locked.
- Check the calendar and prime the auto-excuse generator with the titles of any incomplete homework assignments.
- Feed the [redacted] and test the welds on its [redacted], then make sure the basement light is off.
- Check that the front door is locked.
- Refill the humidifier on the auxiliary breather. (Use distilled water, not tap water.)
Whoever wakes up first:
- You only have ten minutes to deliver tea when the bell rings so be ready.
- (Weekdays) Wake child.
- (Tuesdays only) Check calendar and put out green bin and either garbage or recycling.
- Appease the [redacted].
- Switch off anti-goose laser.
- (Weekdays) Re-wake child.
- Breakfast/overnight email.
- Empty humidifier on auxiliary breather.
- (Weekdays) Threaten child with loss of network privileges if they aren’t up in the next ten seconds.
- Log on and try once more to beat back the forces of evil.